Spiritual Oblivion and Spiritual Awareness - A Confusion of Utopias

Summary

Clare Rosenfield (writing under the name Brahmī) uses the essay “Spiritual Oblivion and Spiritual Awareness: A Confusion of Utopias” to narrate her internal quest for meaning and the gradual transformation of her consciousness. The author recalls that the early death of her grandfather left her family in denial about mortality and made her cautious and inwardly inhibited. In search of consolation, she travelled to Thailand and experimented with Buddhist meditation, but her progress was uneven; she oscillated between moments of insight and prolonged periods of anxiety, frustration and physical discomfort. She noticed that her attempts to escape from life’s uncertainties by controlling the “squares and circles” of her mind only reinforced fear and alienation. She eventually realised that true illumination could not be obtained through intellectual analysis alone but required confronting her own emotions. A turning point came when she met Gurudev Śrī Chitrabhanu, a teacher who integrated Jain philosophy with meditative practice. Through his concept of upayoga—the continuous awareness of mental states—the author learned to observe and weed out destructive thoughts and to replace them with compassionate and uplifting ones. Chitrabhanu likened the mind to a garden in need of constant care, urging students to “adorn yourself with beautiful thoughts.” Rosenfield recounts how this practice bridged the gap between the finite, daily self and a larger, universal Self and encouraged her to live in the present rather than seek refuge in fantasies of a utopia. She contrasts the usual vision of utopia as an escape from the world with the Jain vision of liberation as a state of equanimity and reverence for all life. She notes that meditation does not absolve one from ethical responsibility; instead, it fosters humility, joy and humanitarian engagement. By learning to value every moment and every creature, she discovered that the true “utopia” is an ever‑present awareness of interconnectedness that can exist amidst ordinary activities. The essay concludes with the insight that spiritual oblivion—an escapist state of bliss devoid of ethical grounding—is inferior to spiritual awareness, which harmonises contemplation and action and turns daily life itself into an opportunity for growth and service.